Jumper - Doug Liman (2008)

I find a certain sense of irony in that, despite 'Jumper' focusing on the exploits of a boy being able to teleport, the film itself doesn't actually go anywhere and if anything, felt like an overblown 90-minute trailer for a sequel coming to a screen near you (depending on Box Office results of course...).

David Rice (Hayden Christensen), believes he's a normal boy, who get's on with trials and tribulations of modern teenage life in his own manner, until a tragic accident allows him to realise he has the ability to 'teleport' himself anywhere he can visualize in the world. Cue, over-blown, CGI-laden, scenes involving David jumping to various famous spots around the world; most notably enjoying the cool, summer-breeze on top of the pyramids in Egypt. Which are to say, impressive visuals at times.

However beauty doesn't account for everything. From there on we are introduced to Samuel L Jackson (Roland), an important member of the Paladins, a society of members gauged around stopping and killing any and every 'jumper' they come across. However little is released about the on-going 'war' between the Jumpers and the Paladins and leaves many questions open to the viewers ambiguity; mainly when did they start this witch-hunt and most importantly why? While the romantic sub-plot between David and Millie (Rachel Bilson), never really gets moving despite taking up a large part of the film itself, especially since there is more spark and electricity in a plank of wood than their relationship.

And to top the shambolic nature of the narrative (or lack of), a script that had been adapted, changed, marooned and mutilated that many times away from it's original source, that the final result is an incredibly dumb-down script containing a mighty amount cliché’s you except in any film today with a budget primarily focused on visual entertainment.

Jumper, had an interesting premise, and initially promise, however the film lacks any narrative drive, is poorly written and contains very little character development, but what can you except from just over a measly eighty-minutes of film? Jumper is nothing more than an extended trailer, for the inevitable Jumper 2.

No Country For Old Men - Ethan/Joel Coen (2008)

A brutal eclipse of modern-day crime-thrillers, Ethan and Joel Coens 'No Country For Old Men' paints a disturbingly violent and beautiful image of the developing slippery slope in which society is slowly falling down.

Starting with visually stunning shots of the baron landscape which becomes a staple of the whole film, the Coen's quickly and vividly materialize 'No Country For Old Men' into one of the most tense and suspenseful films of the last ten years. It quickly advances into a vicious chase across Texas as the deviously psychotic hired-hand in Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem) attempts to track down Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), a back-ward country boy who happened to stumble upon a Mexican drug deal gone bad and help himself to the $2.4million left in the dying hands of the ‘last hombre standing’, which sets into motion a series of unstoppable and deadly events of which gives ageing Sherriff Tom Ed Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) a chance to reflect upon what he's doing and who in today's modern world, he's facing.

From the moment Tommy Lee Jones mutters "I've been a Sherriff of this town for twenty-five years" to his final profound epilogue at the end of the film, the acting throughout is sustained at a very high rate. Javier Bardem in particular, is fantastic as the psychotic, no-nonsense, pure incarnation of evil; hired-hitman Anton Chigurh (however he does have principles in a very funny sort of way...). Every time Bardem is on-screen, his presence radiates throughout the whole film as you know that death is just around corner, while Brolin plays his counter-part to-a-tee, a fearless redneck living out in the desert sands of Texan outback, who is willing to fight Chigurh and the Mexicans to the last-strands of death for the drug money, and is willing to put his wife, the delectable Kelly MacDonald, in the firing line of those around him too.

Roger Deakins beautiful cinematography, of the baron wasteland which all the events of the film are laid out, supports Cormac McCarthy's adapted novel brilliantly. The Coen's decision to adapt the novel, with little-to-no tinkering allowed the full beauty of such a deep and thought-fuelled novel to come to life in only the way in which Ethan and Joel Coen could. In an age of CGI and 'green scenes', it's nice to see such an articulated film that ticks every single box for the basic fundamentals of film-making and in such a thought-provoking way too. 'No Country' throws you in at the moral and ethical deep-end and with no back-story, asks you to make a decision, and it’s the Coens finest film to date.

Juno - Dir. Jason Reitman (2008)

Jason Reitman's follow-up to 'Thank You For Smoking' is an intelligent, heart-warming, wingnut of a comedy that makes you appreciate the in-your-face and intimate cinematic occasion it lays before you.

Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page) finds that boredom only leads to one avenue; sex. And when she ends up pregnant, with the father being close-friend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera), she must dig deep within herself to not only mature over-night, but find adoptive parents for her soon to-be-delivered baby. Following Juno through various stumbling block's in her rocky road of mother-hood, one which see's Juno decide whether or not to get an abortion while her school-friend Su-Chin pickets the clinic outside ("All babies deserve to be borned" she shouts as a one woman army), is awkwardly satisfying and ultimately funny for the on-edge viewer.

Ellen Page is a revelation as the book-smart, quick-tongued teenager facing adversity in the face with her impending pregnancy, and gives a performance that will either have you spilling your guts with laughter, or filling the aisles with tears - or even both. While Michael Cera (Paulie), J.K. Simmons (Mac MacGuff), Olivia Thirlby (Leah) and Jason Bateman (Mark Loring) provide adequate emotional back-up, making you genuinely feel in the heart of all their relationship's with Juno, especially Cera and Simmons. The only weak link, in a very strong chain is Jennifer Gardner as Vanessa Loring, who you never engage with her character till the penultimate scene of the film, when it's too late anyway.

One aspect which contributes drastically to Juno's success, and would be a cardinal sin to overlook, is debutant screenwriter Diablo Cody's script, which is full from the beginning to the end with engaging, entertaining and down-right witty dialogue. She creates Juno, a pretentious, naive teenager who over-time matures into an exciting and nurtured human being, while keeping her traits which we at the same time keeping the hilarious and charming moments ticking over. Despite a conventional ending which follows the genre like salt on chips, it's the chunky and delightful middle that keeps the film running and the audience happy.

Hilarious. Heart-warming. Enjoyable. Engaging. Cute. Interesting. Hip. You'll leave the cinema when it ends with a smile from ear-to-ear knowing you've just seen something special (and it wasn't the attractive young eighteen-year old girl bending down in-front). Now where did I leave my Hamburger phone...?

Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem - Dir. Brothers Strause (2007)

Feeling more like 'Alien and Predator vs Typical Teenage America', this life-less action-adventure film involving two past-it Sci-Fi characters is nothing less than a dreadfully clichéd waste-of-money sequel. With a particularly heavy emphasis on the word 'clichéd'.

Instead of a 'hive' (or general nest of alien anarchy) being found by unsuspecting explorers, this time around it is the unlucky residents of Gunnison, Colorado who unfortunately find there lives turned up-side down by an infestation of Aliens and one really, really dedicated Predator who seems to be . The film's only fan, one would assume.

What follows is scene-upon-scene of human slaughtering awfulness, as the typical American Teen Boy (Johnny Lewis), gets smitten with the typical American Teen Girl (Kristen Hager), while the clichéd reformed criminal (Steven Pasquale), helps the inept Sherriff (John Ortiz) who intern ends up getting many, many people killed in a very unsatisfying way...For the viewer that is, as keeping track of what's happening will make you wish, you were there and right in the middle of Alien nest.

With a life-less, unbelievably idiotic script constantly is setting the 'AVP' ship astray ("Everybody's dead. We need guns." - Surely a line, one of many, worthy of a mention), the film's last life-line comes in the form of D-List actors who offer nothing more than laughable acting, something which I expect in 'Asylum' films, but not a 20th Century Fox production.

Finally when the credits rolled, I felt disturbed and violated for the fact that I'd just paid to see this god-awful car-crash of a so-called 'action-adventure film'. If the Brothers Strause removed the life-less acting and replace the stereotypical characters with a crate full of Aliens and Predators and let the blood flow, they may have saved this from being one of the worst films of 2008 already...

The Simpsons - Dir. David Silverman (2007)

A monumental eighteen years in the making. Eleven talented and critically acclaimed writers at there disposal. A cast of thousands. And 'The Simpsons Movie' lives up to everything it promised. One of the most intelligently-stupid, well-written eighty-seven minutes of animation created in the last decade. From the Tracey Ullman Show to the Big Screen, the 'Simpsons Movie' was definitely worth waiting for.

The plot and story are as simple as ever, allowing the jokes and slapstick-humour too take centre-stage throughout. After Homer becomes romantically involved with a Pig and intentionally pollutes the Springfield River, the small-American town is placed under 'quarantine' and the family is nearly lynched, however they manage to hilariously escape as Homer evades making an 'apology' (inverted comma's are necessary!) and set-up-base in Alaska (the good ol' American city where every resident gets a thousand dollars as the oil companies ravage the land), however it's not long before the family miss their beloved Springfield and must make a decision to return home and attempt to save their hometown or stay daunting-quiet Alaskan mountains. In between all this cra-diddly-azyness, Lisa acquires a boyfriend, Bart befriends Ned Flanders and Maggie seems to show a side which says to me; 'all babies are crazy, cartoon or real'.

What follows is gag-after-brilliantly-written gag, with adulterous and political innuendoes/humour (in the opening scene as a 'Itchy and Scratchy' movie plays a 'Itchy/Hilary 2008' sign can be seen held by one of the 'Itchy supporters') for the older generation and the good ol' slapstick stupidity of Homer for everybody else (including the older generation). Every character seemed to have it's pulls, and apart from the notable mention of the Simpson family themselves, President Schwarzenegger, Cletus (the slackjaw yokel), and the 'big-boobed Indian spiritual guide', among many others backed up that 'crazy-yellow-family' very well. This film is nothing more than good, well-written fun supplemented with brilliant visuals making an episode of the 'Simpsons' on a normal, in-the-home television seem boring, bland and well, so 1999.

While the opening twenty minutes of the film, seemed to worse than one of 'President Schwarzenegger’s' poorly thought-through political decisions, with the script and jokes seemingly floating around everywhere in a dis-combobulated mess. Yet the following hour seems to make up for it, with the awkward nakedness of Bart, and the proclaiming 'I love men' from the ridiculous, yet utterly hilarious Ralph, drawing the biggest laugh and subsequently leading to me nearing a heart attack, as I could not simply stop laughing throughout. A part the sub-plot involving Lisa and her Irish boyfriend, who's did 'is not Bono'. The scenes simply lacked any humour as Lisa was always the smart, intelligent and politically/socially motivated character who simply set up scenes and was used as a catalyst for the main attraction of Bart and Homers ingenious stupidity (always leading to some hilarious slapstick moment).

The effort that has gone into this film is easy to see, eleven writers have worked flat-out to create a script full of laughs, tickles and tales which will last the running time equal to the length of three or four back-to-back Simpsons episodes. It's witty, crazy, ridiculous and down-right utterly hilarious. I honestly, could not stop laughing.

By Jordan

Transformers - Dir. Michael Bay (2007)

While the acting is lifeless and the script is stale, the real gem in this movie is in Michael Bay's way in which he can magically orchestrate the use of CGI into a visually stunning and mesmerizing spectacle bringing out the small child wriggling inside every adult that goes to see Bay's overblown, massive and hugely lucrative blockbuster 'Transformers'.

'Transformers' is every young boy and young man's dream (or wet dream in some cases) as the film focuses on the generic line of aliens crash landing on Earth and doing battle in the heart of America with the obligatory interference from the US Military and all their gadgets at there disposal. Based on the television series and the popular Hasbro line of toys, 'Transformers' see's the good 'Autobots' and evil 'Decepticons' face off against each other, while Shia LeBeouf (Sam Witwicky), one of the most sought after actors on the Hollywood circuit at the moment, try's to impress local bad-girl Mikaela (Megan Fox) with his beaten-down '76 Chevy Camero which mysteriously changes into a robot during the night to make contact with other UFO's via laser beam.

While Sam stumbles around trying to impress Mikaela, with his Camero not helping playing the right song at the right time with "Baby Come Back by Player" being played as Mikaela leaves the car after it stalls, he is also caught in the middle of the largest robotic battle on Earth, with all the planet's hopes being placed in his small nerdy hands. However the relationship falters, as there is little passion or connection in the relationship between the two seemingly distant characters who seem to have the emotional connection of a recently divorced couple until the final scene, where a minimal connection can be seen and believed between the character's, a good two hours too late.

Meanwhile, in the Middle Eastern country Qatar, American soldiers (Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson) come under attack by an robot which transforms from a Military helicopter into one mean and vicious piece of steel, that destroys anything in it's path while trying to steal 'classified' files from the computers of the United States Department of Defence, leading to the Secretary of Defence John Keller (Jon Voight) calling a press conference and all the available technology and analysts at his fingertips. Like Josh Duhamel (Captain Lennox), Bay fails to bring Voight to life at all, however some may see this as making an even more believable politician in the age of deceit and deception. However the script also leaves little lee-way for the actors themselves, as it's as simple and streamlined as possible, showing that the action takes centre stage over everybody else.

Sam's connection to the robots, is due to discovery one of his ancestors made and piece of his memorabilia he has in his care, which the 'Decepticons' (or evil robots) will need to find the 'All Spark' or the big-energy-cube that would the universe go, with quite a loud bang, kaboom! Sam's '76 Camero is one of the good guys, an 'Autobot' known as Bumblebee who along with the 'Autobot' leader Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) have taken base on Earth to stop Megatron leader of the 'Decepticons' and his cronies from destroying Earth with a fair bit of opposition in the way.

Unlike Michael Bay's earlier films ('Armageddon'), there's a subtle political undertone running through out this film sometimes making it feel like a George Bush speech circa 2001, with both Russia and China originally being blamed for the attack on the US, providing speculation the Cold War is still alive and the heroic portrayal of the United States Air Force, and their help and patriotic nature in the fight, making it look more like a video for 'Uncle Sam And Iraq 2007' rather than a fight between alien forces and man, something which Bay touches upon in the majority of his films, something tells me he's quite proud to be an America.

Everybody viewing the film knows the actors are just 'extras' in a hugely spectacular and stunning CGI-mad mega-fight between large, intimidating robots in a live-or-die affair to save the fate of the universe and while the acting and script, which were never Michael Bay's strong points detracted from the film, nothing could stop me from grinning from ear to ear like a little boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie-jar as the stunning final fight sequence took place and my enjoy-o-meter exploded.

By Jordan

Hostel: Part II - Dir. Eli Roth (2007)

After Eli Roth's successful 'shock-horror' film 'Hostel', a rolling sequel was inevitable in today's 'franchised' Hollywood, however in 'Hostel 2' all the nastiness and aggression is substituted for out-of-time and disturbingly pathetic 'slapstick comedy-horror' leaving nothing more than a blank canvas splashed with bucket-loads of blood and prosthetic body parts.

Roth's aim with both 'Hostel' and 'Hostel 2' was to push the boundaries of exploitative cinema, however the seemingly one-sided characters and incredibly wooden acting coupled with a repetitive plot and a lingering sense of deja vu that 'didn't I see this film last year and it was called Hostel?'. The sense of deja vu comes from the fact that 'Hostel Part 2' is basically a re-release of 'Part 1', but with three girls (Lauren German, Bijou Phillips, and Heather Matarazzo) as the lead characters as they are in Europe studying art and relaxing. Cue, the trusting, yet deviously psychopathic friend (the beautiful Vera Jordanova) to whisk the girls away to beautiful Slovakia, the gruesome hunting grounds of the cold torturers that await. While the film does intertwine the hunted (Lauren German, Bijou Phillips, and Heather Matarazzo) with the hunters (Richard Burgi, Roger Bart), trying to add a new dimension to the characters and installing a sense of humanity in the soul-less sadists, the little time spent with the characters shows little to the viewer a part from the 'dominator and submissive' approach between the two men.

While Roth's approach to the 'snuff' and 'violent' aspect of the film, most notably the biggest selling point of the 'Hostel' series, I found myself disturbingly...bored, than anything else with Roth trying to force and create shock, which is seen in a seemingly pointless scene which involves the death of a child, the death itself isn't shown, but for a film like Hostel, trying to force viewers to use there imaginations to involve themselves and create an emotional and shocking connection, when the main focal point of the film is to drive home into the retina's the horror, pain and sadist nature of the tortured and torturers. In comparison to many films released this year; e.g. 'Captivity' starring Elisha Cuthbert, the sadomasochistic violence and misogynistic approach compiles and parades nothing new, as 'snuff' or extreme, unbridled violence and suffering is almost mandatory for most 'horror' films wishing to gain an edge above there competitors by exploiting the exploitation of violence. However there was one scene, which would make most men wince, yet that couldn't make up for a lacklustre second effort from Roth.

The rest of the film itself had nothing special about it, a mediocre score added nothing to the suspense or disturbing nature of the film, the 'look' into the 'Hunting Club' itself was short and annoying as it gave little away we already knew and the opening scene itself, seems it was just added by Roth to bump the running time by an extra five minutes. The worst bit of brutality in 'Hostel 2'? The treacherous and severely painful ninety-three minutes running time. Let's just be glad, Eli Roth's agreed not to do a third.

By Jordan